I’m sitting here typing this in my comfy chair, looking at my beautiful Christmas tree, listening to the Glee Christmas songs playlist on Spotify, Mozzie at my feet cuddling up, and my stomach hurting beyond belief. Today is my Mom’s birthday. I don’t want to say that I don’t like or enjoy birthday’s and holiday’s now that I’ve started this hard journey, but why does it have to be so hard?! I don’t get jealous very often, because I truly am happy with what I’ve been given… but I wish I could be like one of those people with insane metabolisms where they can eat just about anything and not gain a pound? I hate the aftermath period… the “why did I just eat that?” It’s a terrible feeling…
My day started off badly, didn’t hear my alarm, so I woke up late. It rained all day yesterday and then dropped down to below 20 degrees AND snowed so it was a cold mess outside, so the roads sucked. I didn’t get to eat breakfast until 11:40a which then I ate lunch right after because I was so hungry. Once I got home, I noticed my mom brought cupcakes her co-worker made for her. (It’s funny, my mom bakes cookies, cakes, cupcakes, and just about any other sweet as a side business, so we really don’t NEED the cupcakes here, but it was very thoughtful of her and we sure do love em.), but they just looked so delicious that I thought, “eh, it’s a delicious cupcake… I can’t say no!” I mean, it was a chocolate cupcake, with a coconut frosting filling, with white vanilla frosting on top with chocolate and coconut shavings… It was hard to just walk away. Then to top off more bad decisions, Sarah (kid I spoke of earlier; she’s like my sister) didn’t want one so she asked if I’d share one with her. Did I even think about what I was doing? No, I just shoved it in like it was the last piece of cupcake I’d ever see again. A little later, we ended up getting food from a local restaurant. I pretty much just gave up on today…. I’m just saying I used up all my weekly bonus points and just forcing myself to eat clean until next Monday. (I can’t believe it’s only the 2nd day of the week and I’m screwing up so bad!) So that brings me to right now. I want to get up and go exercise, but I think if I do I will be sick. Gah, I really hate this guilt feeling. I know why I pretty much did all this today though… I’m definitely an emotional eater… “Oh, thats too bad, did you have a bad day? Well I know how to make it better… FOOD!” I need to learn how to NOT have this thought every time I have a bad day. ‘Cause let’s face it… the guilty feeling afterwards is so much worse.
I’m hoping that I have the motivation to wake up early tomorrow morning and workout before I go babysit. I’m going to try and workout twice tomorrow… 30 min in the morning and then 30 min when I get home. I can do it!!
Sorry for being a whiner tonight. Just had to get the feelings out. Hopefully you all had a good day!