Now that I am bawling my eyes out… I am a HUGE fan of Touched By An Angel and I was heartbroken when it ended. If you’ve never actually heard of this song and would like to actually listen to it… here.
I think I’ve had this song on repeat in iTunes for the past half hour. In the car yesterday when I was driving home from work, I had heard a Christmas song by The Judds and remembered that I had this song in my phone. I hurried up and turned on my bluetooth on in my car and on my phone and cranked up the volume. The line, “With every breath I take, Will give thanks to God above. For as long as I shall live I will testify to love” came on and I lost it. A little background on my life for those reading who don’t know me personally… I am a Christian. I went to a Lutheran school my whole life (from preschool on up to 8th grade), then when I was in high school, I continued to be a huge part of my church. I was a Sunday School teacher, one of the drama members (I would put on a little puppet show with my friend… she’d be the puppet “Gordy” and I would be the narrator. Kids seriously LOVED it.) I was also part of the handbell choir and was a part of the brass section (I played the trumpet) for Easter and Christmas. Church was a huge part of my life… Then, a falling out between my family and members of the church happened, and it all came to a complete halt; We left the church and that was it. We tried visiting other churches but nothing seemed to “fit” with me. I had/have an idea of a church in my head, but nothing ever seems close.
Christmas was a huge deal for me and my mom in Church. She’d be in Choir, and I would be with the other Brass, and sometimes we’d also have Handbells the same night. We’d stay for multiple services (even though I didn’t want to) and we’d sometimes be the last ones to leave. Thinking about how long it’s been since I’ve been to a “Christmas Service” makes me cry just typing it. Along with all these emotions, I then am thinking about all the people that aren’t here sharing Christmas with me this year. Some haven’t been here for multiple years, others this is the first. So in the car, listening to this song, I completely lost it. The tears started coming down and I couldn’t stop.
Today – It was a good day. I got to see my best friend and her son. We went Christmas shopping (well she did shopping, I was just there for moral support), we got coffee (I LOVE Starbucks Skinny Vanilla Latte!), went to Costco (and they didn’t even have what I was there to get), and then we decided we were hungry so we went to Pizza Ranch. Comfort food. I figured, I only had a plain waffle for breakfast and then with the coffee I had… I hadn’t eaten anything else, I had to use up points. (YES I KNOW, Not the best way to use up the points) but then I also came to the conclusion… The damage of this week has been done. So I started out with a HUGE salad (that actually filled me up a lot) and I actually only had 2 small pieces of pizza. (I was also quite amazed.) The thing with Pizza Ranch though is… they have the best mashed taters ever!! So of course I had those… but not the whole plate full that I would normally have gotten. In the end, I definitely used up all the points for the day on that one meal. Probably the only good thing about that is, I am still insanely full and had no ambition to eat dinner anyways.
Honestly, I am so glad that this week is almost over. As I’ve said, I know I’ve gained, so I just want to see the number, face it, and move on.
I really hate the holidays I really need to stop making excuses. I ate junk this week. Not because of the holidays, not because its winter time, not because I’m feeling down, not because at times I feel that food is an emotional thing… I ate junk this week because I made the choice of my own free will. I need to stop making excuses.
My macbook is about to die, so this is where I finish this post. Thank you to those who are still with me reading this… I know it’s been a lot. Thanks for listening.
Until next time…