So today was my weigh-in day… I gained 2.6 lbs.
I am in no way, shape or form angry about that though, and I will talk about why in a bit…
If you read my post Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award, I had mentioned that I have PCOS. I really haven’t told all that many people that I have it. When I was 18, I went to see my dr. because I noticed I wasn’t getting my period. Unlike everyone else, I would go 5-6 months without ever getting it. At the time, I didn’t think it was all that terrible… I mean, I didn’t have to worry about cramps or anything that comes with having your period. When my mom told me I should really get checked out, I was a little scared… I didn’t know what to expect or what my doctor would even tell me.
When the doctor told me that I have PCOS I didn’t even know what to say. I felt like that little room was getting smaller and smaller by the minute. I remember her saying that my weight wasn’t helping the issue, and that it would be extremely difficult to ever have children. I tried with every fiber in my body not to start crying right there. I didn’t want to be told all this at only 18 years old. My adult life was just barely beginning. I didn’t want this to be in the back of my head…
I grew up dreaming one day of being a mom. I’ve always wanted kids, even when I was a kid myself. I loved playing house, and I loved being the “mom”. I remember thinking about what I would name my future kids when I was younger as well; Norah and Clark. (Clark as in Clark Kent of course!!) When you’re told though that it will be hard for you to ever have kids though… those dreams you once lived for, start to fizzle and fade away. I started looking at my families history with children and it doesn’t help with how I felt either. It took my parents, YEARS to have me. I hear all the time on how long and hard it took for my parents to have me… I only have two cousins, one of them being adopted.
The news about PCOS really didn’t hit me until a couple days after she told me. I remember just sitting there feeling so ashamed that my body was doing this to me. Why couldn’t I be “normal” and just be like my friends. Why couldn’t I just get my period like the billions of other women in the world? Why was I gaining all this weight, even while I was working out? Why was I noticing a ton of extra facial hair on my face and chin? Why, why, why?
I can’t say that even today I fully understand why God gave me PCOS, but I’ve learned not to dwell on it, or feel bad about it. I have PCOS. I have to work harder at working out than a normal person. I have to watch what I eat more than a normal person. I have to occasionally use the magic touch to my face so I don’t look like a man (btw best thing ever! It’s that little razor thing that is occasionally on TV every once in awhile… Love it!). It’s just what I have to do. No sense in complaining, because that won’t get me anywhere and it certainly won’t make me feel any better. I’ve been lucky in the fact that I’ve been single my whole life so I don’t have the thought of kids always poking at my brain… (By lucky, I don’t mean I’m lucky… I am always looking for Mr. Right!)
If you haven’t seen My Fat and Fabulous Life, I strongly encourage you to take at least a half hour out of your day and watch it. There were so many times while watching, I started crying because of how much my own personal life resembled hers. It really is a fabulous show! 🙂
Okay okay, finally onto why I’m not at all angry at the weight gain and why my post is so thankful to God!
After not having my period for over 3.5 months….
It came today!!
I know I know, you probably didn’t want to know this, BUT! I’m happy because I didn’t have to take Provera in order to get it. I hate taking Provera. I always get the side effects… Insane acne, even MORE hair growth, and I get super depressed. I hate it. I absolutely hate it. When I went in for my physical last week, my doctor said that if I didn’t get it within a week though that I would have to take the Provera. Well, my body must have been listening!!! So that brings me to the weight gain, I know what it’s from so I know it was nothing that I did or didn’t do. 🙂
Hopefully I didn’t overshare… if I did, sorry, just wanted to get my little story out there. If anything, if at least one person who is reading this and has been scared or ashamed and feeling down about having PCOS, finally sees they aren’t alone and they shouldn’t feel ashamed because it’s not their fault, that’s what I was aiming to do. For the longest time, I felt that way, and it’s not a fun way to live.
Thanks so much for reading!