The past couple of weeks I’ve been noticing I’ve been going back to my “bad habits”. I think it’s the fact that I’m “supposed” to be having good ol’ Aunt Flo around and she has blew me off once again. The amount of sweets I have been craving and sadly succumbing to, is making me feel even worse. I don’t want to make excuses because really, it’s my own fault. Yes, it’s cold outside, but I have two perfectly working exercise equipments in my basement just staring at me saying, “Seriously? Get moving.” I also have DDR, Leslie Sansone videos, Zumba, and Jillian Michael’s DVDs down there as well. So… why am I so lazy? I just have no energy to do anything. I find myself on my drives to work saying, “You can do this… when you get home you’re going to get dressed and go downstairs and work your body.” It never happens though. The time I get home late at night, I figure that working out so late is not very good. So, I tell myself, “You’ll just wake up early and work out.” Well, I’m sure you can figure out what comes next… I make excuses of “I’m tired”, or “It’s too early”, or “I just want to cuddle with the dogs for a little while until I fully wake up”.
I need to get free from this rut. I need to start working out again. I need to start eating healthier again. I’m paying for weight watchers and I’m not even using it. How smart is that?! I need to veer back onto the road of weight loss. I know I’ve gained this couple of weeks. I can feel it when I’m just sitting there and can hear myself breathing. I’m sitting… not even moving… and then I feel so self conscious like everyone can hear me, so I try to hold my breath, which makes it 100x’s worse because then I feel like I’m gasping after awhile. I hate feeling like this.
To be quite honest, I’m actually proud of myself for coming out and admitting all of this. I’ve been so ashamed of myself, almost like I’ve been letting myself down… so if I didn’t acknowledge it, it really wouldn’t be an issue. Well, it is an issue and it needs to improve and change. I can’t continue to be stuck in this rut.
I’m going to get out. I need to get out.