Yippy Skippy!


First off, I got the next badge on Fitbit! The 10lbs lost badge! What’s even better is that I’ve lost more than 10… I’ve hit -12! I started looking back at my weight graph on the weight watchers app, and I saw how that little line went up and down up and down all through the past couple of years. The thought of “man you need to step it up” never came to mind. Instead, the thought of “look at you! All of this and you still never give up,” was the first thing that popped in there.

Next thing I want to talk about was my night a couple nights ago. I decided to try on a shirt that Sarah got. It was definitely too big for her, so I thought hey, why not try it on. It was, however, no normal shirt. It was that spandex material that sucks it all in and makes you feel like a sausage. I never looked into a mirror, but I knew it wasn’t at all attractive. I walked out and asked how it looked. I could tell that she was just trying to be nice about it. I mean, she didn’t want to hurt my feelings by saying the wrong thing. My mom however said something that still is sticking with me today. It’s not the exact wording, it’s just the meaning behind it. “It’s too late for me to change my size, you’re still young at least.” It makes me sad that she, and quite frankly, a lot of people feel that way. You’re never too old to live a healthier life. There’s always time to make better choices with your body, mind, and soul. Yes, it does get harder as you grow up, but there’s never a point where you should just stop and not care anymore.

I remember when I made my first post. I remember looking through other blogs thinking, “man these people are doing so well! And look how much they’re losing… And it’s so fast! I bet I’m going to be just like that!” Losing weight and living a healthy lifestyle aren’t always happy. There’s tough roads, hard decisions, and honestly quite a few bad days. Days when all you want to do is lay in bed all day with a tub of ice cream because your day sucked. Days where all of your friends are going out to have a fun time, but you need to stay in because you don’t want to be tempted by food all night. I also learned that there’s no set time to lose all the weight. I’ve heard countless of times from blogs, doctors, and friends that the faster you lose, the faster and more you gain back. A friend of mine posted on Instagram a while back that she was going to continue to work on losing weight, but not letting weight loss define how she was going to live her life. It wasn’t until recently that I finally understood what she meant. We can’t go through life saying no to fun and exciting experiences! We only have one life to live. What’s the point in living if we have all of these rules and limits. Now, I’m not saying go out and eat junk food every night because you want to live and be happy. In the long run, I strongly doubt you will be happy. What I am saying is, if you get invited out with friends or family, don’t say no because there may be a possibility of straying off course. Go and have fun with your friends. Make good choices the week and day of until you get to where ever it is you’re going. Don’t limit your life to one way. I promise you’ll be more happy when you loosen the reins and enjoy life in its entirety.
Until next time,

Aubrie

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Fear.

So remember in my last post I said that I had some exciting news?! Yeah, well that was…

I had a first date yesterday.
Whoa! Say what?! Yeah! Does anyone else feel so awkward towards first dates? My Fitbit said I was up to 130 beats! Holy moly! I was definitely feeling all kinds of nerves…

I was a little nervous to even write a blog post on this topic today… Fear. The fear of failing. The fear of putting yourself out there into the unknown. Along with being a total hypochondriac, I am also a worry full, anxiety stricken, over thinking individual. When anything happens in my life, I analyze the crap out of it. When I started my weight loss journey for example, I sat and figured out all the ways I could fail. I could let myself down. What happens if I give up? What will people think of me? Honestly those thoughts could go on forever and ever… They really bring a person down. Luckily, I got past all of that. I learned that I can do whatever I put my mind to. Yes, there will be bad days, weeks, and months, but I can’t give up and stop doing this. I can’t sit and think about what people think about me. I can’t sit and be sorry for myself when things don’t go exactly how I planned. If things would have gone to plan like I envisioned, I would be to my goal weight by now. Instead, I’ve started over a couple times and am at the 10lbs lost mark once again. Why aren’t I more excited about that? Is it that fear again coming in saying, “well you’re just gonna gain it back again… So why say anything at all?” I will not think that. I can not think that. I will not let myself not be happy for myself, because damn it, I’m still on this journey and there is no way I’m stopping now.

The whole going back to college was a whole other category in this wheel of fear. What’s going to happen if I go back? Will I be able to handle the work load? Will I even find a job in that field? I mean, I haven’t found much in the field I’m in now! What happens if I fail? I can not let this fear dictate my life. It needs to end. I can’t be afraid of my dreams. So I’m glad I put on my big girl panties and took that step and applied.

I feel that a lot of people in the world today have a lot more fear than before. Fear that cripples them from being the individuals they’re meant to be. Fear of failure. Fear of commitment. Fear of losing people they love. Fear of saying the wrong thing. Just all around fear.

I guess the fear that is here today for me is for something I have absolutely no expertise in. I know I’ve said in other blog posts that I want to find someone. I want to be happy. I want that dream wedding someday. I want to start a family someday. The fear that comes with dating people though is having to put yourself out there. I’ve put myself out there numerous times before. The sad thing is that after I say my feelings, I end up getting burned. So there is that fear again. Why do I want to open up to people, just to have it thrown back at me? Isn’t that the whole point of meeting new people though? Putting yourself out there so you can build on that information and create relationships? Why is it that I want to be happy with someone, but when the thought of “oh crap, I could be happy with this person, gotta run away now!” Comes to my head and I just want to throw in the towel and quit while I’m ahead? I don’t want to place the blame on people in my past, but it’s hard not to feel that I’m like this because of those past experiences. 

Life is scary. Bad stuff happens, but there is a lot of good that happens with that as well. We can’t let fear dictate how we live. We can’t be in constant fear of what might not even happen. As a friend said to me, “the worst part of putting yourself out there is heartbreak.” The other side of that is putting yourself out there and finding something truly worth all of the crazy overthinking; Happiness.

So from here on out, I’m going to just let whatever happens happen. I’m not going to over think or imagine outcomes. I’m going to live in the moment and be happy where I am right now. I’m not going to be afraid of the unknown. Anything can happen. I won’t let fear dictate my life or my happiness. 

Until next time,

Aubrie

Fly.

I am obsessed with Maddie & Tae and their cd, Start Here. This cd is always the first that’s played whenever I listen to music on my phone. If you haven’t heard of it… check it out! I especially can’t get enough of their song, Fly.

So keep on climbing, though the ground might shake
Just keep on reaching though the limb might break
We’ve come this far, don’t you be scared now
‘Cause you can learn to fly on the way down

 Such true and meaningful words. Even when things are rocky and seem like you won’t be able to overcome the obstacles that get thrown in your direction, you have to just keep going. Keep on climbing.

I was listening to this song this morning while I was looking back at my previous blog posts. The post that drew my attention in was the one with the resolutions. (Haha pulled a Friends there… did you catch it?)

  1. Be happy with who I am and in my own skin. Yeah nope, still haven’t gotten to that point yet.
  2. Smile and laugh more. On the fence with this…
  3. Slow down and not be in such a rush all the time. Well I’ve definitely slowed down…
  4. Be a better helper around my house. Semi better. Room though – not so much. I’m a teenager living in an adults body.
  5. Write more on my blog.:) WELL THAT’S AN EPIC FAIL!

The year is almost to the halfway mark, and I have really only accomplished one of these!? How?! Let’s talk about this now…

  • Be happy with who I am and in my own skin.

There were points so far in the year, where I was feeling so great about myself. The thing is, once something goes bad, I just shut down. Lately, I’ve been having feeling that whole “I’m gonna keep one foot in and one foot out, because I know the other shoe will drop.” I need to really work on not shutting down. Take for instance when I got hurt. Did I say, “okay, this is just a minor set back… I can continue to do other workouts and still eat healthy!” Nope. I got depressed and totally had that “well fuck everything then” kinda attitude. Is that the way to go about being happy with who I am? Not in the slightest. I’m seeing this all now in a whole new light. Things won’t go my way. Shit will happen. It’s the way of the world. I can’t let it bring me down to where I’m shutting everything down, especially work that I’ve worked so hard on. I’ve taken steps to make my life more happy… I did finally apply to college! That’s something!

  • Smile and laugh more.

Hmm. Like I said, I’m on the fence with this. The most part, however, I’ve been very happy! So I’ll take that as a win.

  • Slow down and not be in such a rush all the time.

Oh boy, this is the only one on the list that I feel I’ve accomplished and then some. I started the year off strong, and then it just all went down hill. When I was a nanny, I was constantly busy with the kids, driving to and from work, working out, babysitting… Now though, I’ve done a 180. I go to work, come home, go for a walk or go to the gym, sleep, repeat. See, definitely have slowed down.

  • Be a better helper around my house.

Well well well… we’ve come to this bullet. I feel I’ve gotten slightly better… not a whole hell of a lot, but slightly! Seriously though, as I’ve said earlier… I’m a messy teen living in an adult body. People who know me though… I’ve always been messy.

  • Write more on my blog.

Seriously, out of everything on the list… this is the only one that I have totally failed at. I really can’t believe how bad I am at getting on here. I enjoy typing out what I’m feeling… A lot of these days consist of like I said earlier… nothing. I feel like nothing exciting really goes on in my life anymore. Sad huh? I need some excitement people!


 

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday… A day of rest was anything but. I spent the morning cleaning my tornado of a room. It’s mind blowing how messy and disorganized I can let it get. It’s a lot cleaner now thank heavens, but I have a pile of laundry just glaring at me to pick up and wash. Maybe it’ll actually happen once I finish this…

**Edit: Yep, I’ve come to the realization that it will have to get done in the morning. **

I decided I HAD to get outside today, so I started it off by grilling chicken, hamburgers, turkey dogs, fingerling potato wedges, and asparagus. It was fabulous. Enjoyed the sunshine and 78° weather. I then helped my mom with all the outside “spring cleaning” stuff that needed to be done. I got quite a few steps in doing all of the stuff she wanted done.  While we were out there, I took multiple trips over to our neighbor’s yard so I could smell those tree blossoms that come every spring. I can’t get enough of these blossoms… they are so beautiful and fragrant!

Once we were all done outside, I couldn’t just go inside and sit on the couch… So I went back out for a walk!! I laced up my new shoes and hit the pavement!

All in all today was all around great. I’m very happy. Oh something else that I am ECSTATIC about… LOOK AT THESE STEPS!!!! My Achilles ached practically the whole time, but I need to walk!

I haven't had this many steps in over two months. It feels so good. 🙂

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I wanna say this concludes my post for the night. It’s pretty close to it being tomorrow already and I should hit the hay… I’ve got some exciting plans tomorrow… I shall let you know later what it is! 🙂

Until next time,
Aubrie

Happiness Starts Within.

Hello my friends.

Wow, it has been awhile again. I’m not going to make promises to be on here to write anymore because, sadly I just end up breaking my word. Plus, maybe if I don’t say I’ll be on maybe then I actually will end up coming on to write and keep up with everyone.

So what all has been going on since the last time I was on? Well…

  • I applied for college
  • I did in fact injured my Achilles and have been going to Physical Therapy because it is STILL not feeling any better…
  • I’ve been to the gym ONCE since February.
  • I got my bridesmaid dress for the August wedding I’m in… and it’s already a little big!

You read right… I decided to pursue those dreams I’ve always had and I’ve applied to the local college for a degree in Childhood Development! Eek! I’m still super shocked that I applied. I’m just now having to get to my old high school to get my transcript, and then I need to mail in my college transcript as well. I should probably get to doing that… I’m super excited!

The last time I wrote, I mentioned that I went to the doctor and she thought that I hurt my Achilles. Well, after it had hurt for another week, I called her back and she said that it was time to go to the next level; Physical Therapy. I’ve been going to PT for… 5 weeks now… We’ve discovered that it’s not only my Achilles that is giving me pain… it’s my lower back, sciatic nerve AND my knee as well! I’ve been a trooper this whole time. I’ve put up with the pain and didn’t say much of anything. Well, until this last time. My PT guy and I were having a conversation about something, and he had happened to just barely move my leg to the side, but for some reason, holy hannah did it hurt. It was like a light switch got flicked and BAM! the tears started flowing! Oh did it hurt. Must have been something because then my hamstring locked up and my leg wouldn’t release. Oh this body of mine. It’s going down the crapper! 😛 It’s the old age I tell ya! I’ll get there though, that much I know. Why? Because I’m a fighter and I’ll get past this!

I never ended up going to the gym after my doctor said I could. I didn’t want to make anything worse, so I just stayed home and continued to eat crap. I was going through a very depressive period because of work, not going to the gym, always hurting, and then I had zero energy to eat right. So after I bathed in self pity for a while, I decided that all the bs was getting me no where. I decided to create a DietBet and would have it start April 1. I also decided I NEEDED to get back to the gym, so I got my hind end up at 4:30am and got to the gym by 5am. All I wanted to do was get on the treadmill for at least 30 minutes. I wanted to start off slow, so I only had the treadmill speed on 1.8/1.9. That’s pretty slow for me. I didn’t sweat or breathe hard, but I wanted to at least be on the treadmill and at least BE at the gym.

Hey, I'm happy! Not my best, but I'll take it for a first day back. 😄👍🏼

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The whole time I was on there though, my whole foot felt tingly and started to ache towards the end of 30 minutes. I came home, and did the RICE method. I fell asleep and slept for a couple hours before I had to get up for work. Woke up and holy crap was that thing swollen! It ended up killing the whole rest of the day. Bummer dude. So I haven’t gone back to the gym since then. BUT!!! I did go on an hour long walk last night… and boy was that ever needed. It’s been the first actual spring feeling day here in MN, and boy was the fresh air and sun needed to boost up my spirits!!

#hellominnesotaspring #fitfam #eveningwalk

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Last topic…

The bridesmaid dress!!!! When I first tried on the dress in the store, I had tried on a 24. I remember it just BARELY fitting. I had to unzip it and remember just feeling, “Ughhhh I don’t want someone to have to zip this and see all my back fat…” I also remember saying to my bestie, “Eh I can totally just buy a 22 and it would work.” Well, then winter happened and I wasn’t losing any weight. So I decided last week when I finally ordered the dress to just be on the safe side and order the 24. I got it on Tuesday and boy oh boy was I shocked! First off, I could put it on over my head WITHOUT having to unzip it!!! It was actually a little big as well! Man on man, seriously, I’m super happy about it! I weighed in that day as well, and I actually have lost at least 3.3 lbs since april 1. Can I get a whoohoo!!! That is honestly just eating right! I’m happy with how things are starting to go… Gotta look to the future.

Maybe there's not THAT much of a difference, but I see a little bit!! 🙂 #fitfam #throwbackthursday

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