Ghost Notes.

It’s one of those nights where I’m listening to sad country songs and I can’t seem to stop being sad.

There is so many things flying around inside my brain… but I can’t catch a single thought. Every time I feel like I’m getting a strong hold, I lose grasp and it flies away.

I want my life to be different. In the past couple of weeks, I have sadly (yet again) gotten pissed at myself for not getting my shit together sooner in life.

I’m only 27, but there are so many times within a day where I have mini panic attacks and just think that I’ve wasted so much of my life already.

It’s so easy to say that you’re going to start doing something beneficial for yourself. It’s insanely hard to actually take it and actually DO something.

I mean, it took me how long to finally go back to college? Many, MANY years.

I have so many dreams for my future… but I feel like they’re unattainable. Why do I think that? Why are those thoughts even coming up? ANY DREAM is attainable.

My ultimate dream is to travel and teach all over. There are so many places that I want to see and live. Growing up, I always thought I’d be married, have kids, and be an amazing teacher by now. It actually hurts to even type that out.
(That’s all for a different posting though.)

Am I strong enough to go through with that dream? Only time can tell.

(This brings me to the point of why I’m listening to sad country music and being sad.)

I wish I was strong enough right now.

I wish I didn’t have to wait for a time in the future for me to be independent.

I wish I didn’t feel sad all the time.

I have far too many wishes. 

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